I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize