My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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