this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
