I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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