Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize