Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
