2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
