why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
