Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
