my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
