Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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