Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
