All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
