I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
