he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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