Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
