he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
