I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize