cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
