she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
