If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
