i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize