Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
