My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
