I like my sex mixed with concussions.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
