I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
