ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
