We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i've created a new STD.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
