Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
