It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
