I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
