I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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