I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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