Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
