Someone shit on the floor
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
