Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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