Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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