I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
