I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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