When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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