I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
