I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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