She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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