I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
