White coat. Heels.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
