i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize