I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
