I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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