Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
