Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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