Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
