This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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