I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
