Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
