We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
