She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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