you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
