you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
