I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
