I wannas sexs uuuuu
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
