she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
