I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
