i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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