Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The feeling are messing with the penis
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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