She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
