..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
