can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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