I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize