he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
