I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
