It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
