i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
