If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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