I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
