FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
