I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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