Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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