I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
