Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
