i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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