note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
