I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
