Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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