new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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