There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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