A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
