i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize