A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
