Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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