May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
