You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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