So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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