I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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