no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
