dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
