the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
