he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize