Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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