I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
