we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
did i walk over a car last night?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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