thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
