I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize