my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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