Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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