Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize