I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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