I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You ruined the universe
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
