even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
