If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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