Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
