He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
