Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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